I find myself in the current employ of a major Vancouver-based dating agency.
This affords me a priveleged vantage point indeed and there are things I observe that could rightly turn a girl (or guy) off the opposite sex (or same sex, depending on which side your bread is buttered) and have her/him running for the hills.
It does not however, afford me the dating wisdom you would think.
I am still a clueless and confused individual. I still don’t understand a word blokes are saying and I wonder what the fuck fuels their tiny minds, aside from boobs and… puppy dog’s tails?
There are some things I do know however, that would save time and heartache all-round if only we would practise them every once in a while.
Wanna know? Alrighty…
- Once More, Into The Breach
Vancouver men, I’m told, suck at one major thing. Approaching women.
Apparently they are big old pussies without the first idea on how to woo. Most Vancouverites lack a very basic skill that would really be helpful if they could only master it.
It’s called ‘Banter’.
I know, I see you rolling your eyeballs. I’m not saying that all Vancouverites lack this mad skill.
I have had some very interesting to and fro with some of the best – I’m just looking at this from a dating perspective. And I talk to a lot of people every day.
All it takes is a simple, clean ‘in’. It may be different for guys than girls but if I like the look of someone I always compliment something about them (hey a year as a Starfucks Barista wasn’t for nothing, you know).
For instance, “hey nice shirt”.
Works a fucking treat. (You have to mean it though, so don’t lie).
I’m thinking the same icebreaker from a boy might seem a little obtuse if accompanied by a friendly leer at the chest region, but you can work this into a boy type fashion. How about “Nice shoes”?
Just do it, boys. Girls. Llamas.
Say something, start a conversation. Here’s an idea: smile.
99.8% Vancouverites don’t know how to crack one, I swear.
- Lead Me Not
If you don’t like someone after a first date please tell them. Don’t date them several times and then do it.
Don’t date them for six years and then break the news.
(Ooops, my bad!)
Honesty is most definitely the best policy and I don’t believe this whole, well I’ll just see them again to be sure the chemistry isn’t there malarkey. It isn’t there, you were right the first time.
Time to move on and let them find the person who swoons at the mere sight of them, it’s only fair.
- Play On, Playa
I’m sorry, but a guy (or chick) who tells you their heart has been reduced to a charred and broken lump of coal because they were ‘hurt once’ is going to fuck you up, if you let them.
No matter how cute, or vulnerable they seem – they will take you down.
I’ve lost count of the number of times I have heard this line and it bites. So you can’t love me?
That’s fine, I’ll fine someone who isn’t afraid to jump in with both feet and love the fuck out of me.
Good day, sir!
- Love Thy Self
Contrived as this may sound, it is entirely true that you will not be loved in the capacity that you deserve until you love yourself first.
Have you ever looked about and seen the happy people? The ones that kiss on the bus and laugh all the time, annoying fellow passengers, collecting disapproving tuts wherever they go – but not even noticing?
Yep. They may have caught the love bug but you know why? Because they learnt a secret.
(Not what Mrs. Miggins the Baker’s Wife has been doing with the Greengrocer, no).
They have learnt to be comfortable in themselves and believe in who they are.
Oh God, they aren’t perfect. Look at them.
Some of them aren’t even thin for Christ’s sake – but look – they… (gulp)… like themslves.
Yep. Get it on with yourself and you’ll get it on for real.
Sure, there’s no guarantee that any of us will meet The One (“You are the One, Neo”), but you know what? Sometimes that is okay, you still have to get through life with your inner self, you might as well be friends with the bitch.
You know it makes sense.
So, in short, these are a few of my observations from the front line.
Like I said, I know next to nothing. Ignore me 🙂