How they’re going to stretch a one-joke sketch based on a classically bad TV show into 80 something minutes is beyond me.
At first I started this note as a joke, but I’ve decided to take it one step further and actually come up with plotlines that would sustain each of these sketches into a feature length film.
5) Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet
Brian does a live show from Disney’s Animal Kingdom when-OH NO!-it’s attacked by terrorists!! He uses what little knowledge he has of the world to do absolutely no good, while his assistant (Jack McBrayer anyone??) outsmarts the evil doers and saves the day! YAY!
4) Deep House Dish
DJ Dynasty Handbag and T’Shane open a club, like the original Studio 54. T’Shane gets really into the party scene, whereas DJ Dynasty Handbag keeps it real. They run into Tiara, whom T’Shane replaced, who has become a drug crazed groupie, and T’Shane realizes the road he’s on. They decide the scene isn’t for them, and close the club before it’s too late. They reopen it as a community centre to keep kids off the street, and teach them about making music.
3) Goth Talk
If you add up all the Goth Talk sketches from over the years, you’re almost there already. Begin with Todd as a young boy, being picked on, and eventually meeting Stephanie and becoming great friends who decide to start their own show. Things get complicated as they grow up, and Stephanie develops feelings for Glenn, Todd’s mean older brother. They drift apart after high school, but reunite for one last show before Todd moves away for college. Must bring back Steve Buscemi as the janitor.
2) Bronx Beat
I desperately want to follow Jodi and Betty home to see them with their families that they love, but complain about constantly. The movie would begin with the two of them as rivals, competing for the same co-hosting spot opposite some network golden boy, that is until they work together to reveal him as a coke addict, and a pig, who doesn’t deserve to be on TV. They win, and become the first show hosted by two women.
1) Wake Up Wakefield!
Starring: Maya Rudolph, Rachel Dratch, Jimmy Fallon
Obviously bring back Ray Ramono as Sheldon’s Dad, he ain’t doing much these days anyway. The movie starts as Megan and Sheldon are about to graduate high school. Much has changed. Jazz X 10 has not. Too everyone’s surprise, Randy Goldman asks Megan to prom. She accepts, even though she still can’t look him in the eye. Sheldon suspects foul play, and tells her as much, causing her to quit the show. Sheldon gets a new co-anchor (I’m thinking Kristen Wiig) and the show gets worse every day. Meanwhile, Megan finds out on her own that Randy Goldman asking her to prom was in fact a dare, like She’s All That. She finally gets over him, and goes back to Sheldon, who is hesitant at first but after another mishap, fires his new co-anchor, and takes Megan back. They finish the Prom Episode Special together, and then go back to Sheldon’s house to watch the Alien marathon on Space.